Monday, May 6, 2013
Raising Children and Religious Choices
I wonder if anyone else comes in contact with people that need spiritual direction as often as I do. I mean honestly, I don't go looking for people but, somehow God helps them find me.
I have a friend who struggles with her religion. She doesn't really practice the religion she was raised in. She is in a marriage that is not centered in religion and now she has children that she is struggling to find a way to teach them. Her husband is indifferent towards religion.
I told her that life is so complex and in my opinion, it is best to teach her children what she knows. She should give them a foundation in what she loves and what gives her peace. I believe that is perfectly good to give them a map and training and that the children can use that for the rest of their lives, regardless of religion.
She says that she wants her kids to choose for themselves which religion they follow. I explained that children always make decisions for themselves. It is a myth that we have that much control over what our kids decide in the future. It is still important for them to expose the kids to the religions they (both parents) think offer good ways of life.
I wonder if she understood me. She seemed pleased with our conversation.
I have a friend who struggles with her religion. She doesn't really practice the religion she was raised in. She is in a marriage that is not centered in religion and now she has children that she is struggling to find a way to teach them. Her husband is indifferent towards religion.
I told her that life is so complex and in my opinion, it is best to teach her children what she knows. She should give them a foundation in what she loves and what gives her peace. I believe that is perfectly good to give them a map and training and that the children can use that for the rest of their lives, regardless of religion.
She says that she wants her kids to choose for themselves which religion they follow. I explained that children always make decisions for themselves. It is a myth that we have that much control over what our kids decide in the future. It is still important for them to expose the kids to the religions they (both parents) think offer good ways of life.
I wonder if she understood me. She seemed pleased with our conversation.
Where do you sit?
Growing up as a Catholic, I learned many things not by study but, by custom or ritual. We did things because our parents said so. We didn't like it, but we did it. Every Sunday, even if we felt bad, and even without my father, we went to mass with my mother. We were late every single mass. We always rushed in, splashing our fingers in the tiny holy water fonts at the entrance of the church and scrambled over to the left side of the church. We never sat at the front (maybe this was out of my mother's shame of being late--I don't really know why, we just did what we were told). We sat in the middle or towards the back, in two pews (because there were always a minimum of 5 of us and the pews were small).
I remember sitting, and standing, and kneeling and sitting again, and wondering what exactly the priest was saying way up front. I could never hear a thing he said (I would just stare up at the high arches in the church and stained glass windows). But, I do remember a sense of silence and calm in church. My mom wasn't angry, hurt, or stressed there. She was herself, she was calm, and beautiful. Until of course, one of the kids started up. Then, all the serenity was over. The 10 seconds that I got to see my mom relax every Sunday were over. She was back to guiding and correcting all over again. And I knew it would be another hectic week until I got to see my mom rest for 10 more seconds on Sunday. Only now do I understand why she went and why she showed us how to practice the faith.
It is funny that when I had children, I knew I had to raise them in my Catholic faith. I just didn't know that it would be so similar to the way my mother raised us. I didn't realize that I would struggle to get up the courage on Sunday to tell my kids we are going to mass.
I must vent here: My kids are Catholic and have been since before they were even born. And they always act like it is some great surprise that we are going to mass when I announce that it is time to get ready. Then the whining and the dragging the feet begins. We didn't like going to church as kids , either. (I get it- I would have preferred to stay home and watch re runs of Kung-Fu movies or The Three Stooges too.) But we were respectful and we did what we were told. Granted, I discipline differently than my parents did but, regardless. It irks me.
Anyhow, back to our Sunday custom. I promptly announce we are getting ready for mass at 9:30. Eventually, everyone is dressed and prepared for mass. We get to mass usually about 5 minutes before it starts (which is a HUGE accomplishment in my opinion). I walk in, bless myself, and walk directly to the left of the church. I lead the family to a pew in the middle or the back but, never the front. I watch my kids, who are very well behaved in church, stare up at the ceiling and at the stained glass windows. I am sure they have no idea what the priest is saying.
Where do you sit? What did you inherit from your parents? What do you do differently? What do you think you will pass down to your kids?
I remember sitting, and standing, and kneeling and sitting again, and wondering what exactly the priest was saying way up front. I could never hear a thing he said (I would just stare up at the high arches in the church and stained glass windows). But, I do remember a sense of silence and calm in church. My mom wasn't angry, hurt, or stressed there. She was herself, she was calm, and beautiful. Until of course, one of the kids started up. Then, all the serenity was over. The 10 seconds that I got to see my mom relax every Sunday were over. She was back to guiding and correcting all over again. And I knew it would be another hectic week until I got to see my mom rest for 10 more seconds on Sunday. Only now do I understand why she went and why she showed us how to practice the faith.
It is funny that when I had children, I knew I had to raise them in my Catholic faith. I just didn't know that it would be so similar to the way my mother raised us. I didn't realize that I would struggle to get up the courage on Sunday to tell my kids we are going to mass.
I must vent here: My kids are Catholic and have been since before they were even born. And they always act like it is some great surprise that we are going to mass when I announce that it is time to get ready. Then the whining and the dragging the feet begins. We didn't like going to church as kids , either. (I get it- I would have preferred to stay home and watch re runs of Kung-Fu movies or The Three Stooges too.) But we were respectful and we did what we were told. Granted, I discipline differently than my parents did but, regardless. It irks me.
Anyhow, back to our Sunday custom. I promptly announce we are getting ready for mass at 9:30. Eventually, everyone is dressed and prepared for mass. We get to mass usually about 5 minutes before it starts (which is a HUGE accomplishment in my opinion). I walk in, bless myself, and walk directly to the left of the church. I lead the family to a pew in the middle or the back but, never the front. I watch my kids, who are very well behaved in church, stare up at the ceiling and at the stained glass windows. I am sure they have no idea what the priest is saying.
Where do you sit? What did you inherit from your parents? What do you do differently? What do you think you will pass down to your kids?
Monday, April 22, 2013
Catholic Prejudice
My daughter and I have a very close relationship right now. She talks to me about how hard school is for her. She is having to find her way in a very hard environment. You see, she goes to a public school which is predominately protestant christian. And she sees many of her peers behave in a way that is not Christian. And she doesn't understand why that is.
I don't understand why that is. This weekend she told me a friend or peer of hers, told her that her parents told her that Catholics were evil. E-V-I-L. And the girl also told my daughter, that is was nothing against her per se, that it was her church and part of her religion. I wish my daughter would have asked the girl what she thought aside from what her parents said.
My daughter was so confused and hurt by this. She didn't understand that a Christian church would be this way.
I had no idea this was coming. I had no way to explain it other than prejudice. I told her that it was too sad that they thought that. I explained to her that the parents are ignorant of the truth. That they must not have ever asked a Catholic about their beliefs. I told her that if she ever has a question about another faith that she should talk to someone of that faith and not just anyone. She should go to a pastor or someone who has studied it and really understands the answers to the questions she has. In this, I hope that I taught her not to be caught in ignorant regurgitation. I hope to have taught her truly seek truth and not just repeat what someone else has told her.
I was proud of her for responding that she wasn't evil and that she forgave the parents for their trespass. She understood that they didn't know what they were doing by teaching their daughter prejudice. My daughter is 11 and she gets this. People are sheep, no matter which religion they follow.
How do I manage this? How do I protect my daughter from people who are so willing to hate without knowing? I am so disappointed and just hopeless. I try so hard to teach my children to love others and respect and celebrate differences. I can not fathom teaching my kids to hate anything (except for maybe cabbage or liver).
So, in my heart there is a heaviness.
I don't understand why that is. This weekend she told me a friend or peer of hers, told her that her parents told her that Catholics were evil. E-V-I-L. And the girl also told my daughter, that is was nothing against her per se, that it was her church and part of her religion. I wish my daughter would have asked the girl what she thought aside from what her parents said.
My daughter was so confused and hurt by this. She didn't understand that a Christian church would be this way.
I had no idea this was coming. I had no way to explain it other than prejudice. I told her that it was too sad that they thought that. I explained to her that the parents are ignorant of the truth. That they must not have ever asked a Catholic about their beliefs. I told her that if she ever has a question about another faith that she should talk to someone of that faith and not just anyone. She should go to a pastor or someone who has studied it and really understands the answers to the questions she has. In this, I hope that I taught her not to be caught in ignorant regurgitation. I hope to have taught her truly seek truth and not just repeat what someone else has told her.
I was proud of her for responding that she wasn't evil and that she forgave the parents for their trespass. She understood that they didn't know what they were doing by teaching their daughter prejudice. My daughter is 11 and she gets this. People are sheep, no matter which religion they follow.
How do I manage this? How do I protect my daughter from people who are so willing to hate without knowing? I am so disappointed and just hopeless. I try so hard to teach my children to love others and respect and celebrate differences. I can not fathom teaching my kids to hate anything (except for maybe cabbage or liver).
So, in my heart there is a heaviness.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Dominican Sisters first hear about Pope Francis
This is exactly how my heart felt when I heard. I was not surrounded by sisters or brothers but, how wonderful if that had been the case for me. I was so excited, nervous, shocked, pleased and relieved. It made my heart want to sing. This all in a matter of a private minute in my mind.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
The Pope's Resignation
The Pope of the Universal Church announced his resignation yesterday. Of course, there is a LOT of conversation about this.
I have spoken to a few people who know I am Catholic and they asked me about it. I was surprised by this because, one, I didn't know that my Catholicism showed and two, they felt comfortable asking me about my opinion on the matter and about Catholicism in general.
So, I was both flattered and a little surprised by the short conversations but, I was also impressed by their earnest attention. The two people to which I was speaking both really listened and there wasn't any criticism. Just honest learning. I hope I said the right things. :/
Anyhow, it is my time to weigh in on the matter. Like most people, we know it is difficult to step down from any position. And, we know it takes not only self awareness but, great courage to step down from such a high position. I believe it is a great act of humility, acceptance of human limitation, and selflessness to step down from the papacy.
It will be very interesting to see which rituals will be used to retire the ring and all the other stuff we do for the transition to the new Pope.
Oh and Happy Mardi Gras! Remember to have one extra bite of King's cake for me.
♥
I have spoken to a few people who know I am Catholic and they asked me about it. I was surprised by this because, one, I didn't know that my Catholicism showed and two, they felt comfortable asking me about my opinion on the matter and about Catholicism in general.
So, I was both flattered and a little surprised by the short conversations but, I was also impressed by their earnest attention. The two people to which I was speaking both really listened and there wasn't any criticism. Just honest learning. I hope I said the right things. :/
Anyhow, it is my time to weigh in on the matter. Like most people, we know it is difficult to step down from any position. And, we know it takes not only self awareness but, great courage to step down from such a high position. I believe it is a great act of humility, acceptance of human limitation, and selflessness to step down from the papacy.
It will be very interesting to see which rituals will be used to retire the ring and all the other stuff we do for the transition to the new Pope.
Oh and Happy Mardi Gras! Remember to have one extra bite of King's cake for me.
♥
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